Light at the end of the tunnel

I think I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.  This dark and depressing mood is ever so slowly losing it's hold on me.  The only thing that could have brought me out of such a dark depression is God's mercy.  Last night, lying in bed, I prayed like I have never prayed before.  I begged for complete and utter forgiveness from God and of myself.  I prayed that he would carry me through this horrible dark depression.  This morning I felt a little better.....  the relief was beyond measure.  I have never in my life, cried out to the Lord as I did then.  I wonder.....  is this another one of God's plans?  Is his purpose of this struggle, so that I would reach out to him and see just how deeply I need him in my life?

I read Romans 8 and also read about Paul.  Paul persecuted the early Christians and was completely forgiven by God.  God ended up using him for goodness.  If God can forgive Paul, then surely he can forgive me.  It was my counselor who first told me about all that Paul had done to innocent people.  

Many people wonder if God exists.  Still others, don't believe in God.  My faith has done it's share of wavering.  But, things have been happening lately that I can't explain.  Things that can only be the result of prayer and God's mercy.  

One thing that solidified this for me......  Last week, I told my mother-in-law about my abortion. She never knew the whole truth about me.  I am very close to her and it killed me that she didn't know.  I was never brave enough to begin the healing process because the abortion was a deep dark secret that I was going to go to my grave with.  The pain became too much.  I told her everything.  She was not told of the pregnancy, out of fear of her not being able to handle it. As I told and explained everything.... she looked at me (I am in hysterics) and said that there was nothing that would change her love for me.  She would have wanted the abortion then.... she wouldn't now..... then it mattered to her what people thought, now she knows what really matters. She said that she is so sorry that I have been in such pain.  She said that she has no doubt that something good will come out of this.  She sees me sharing my story with women who are thinking abortion is their only way out..... so that they may choose what is best for them, knowing fully what consequences and the repercussions could be.  

It explained a lot of my history to her.....  She always thought I was this extremely emotional person and at times, unstable.  Now, she sees why.  

Now..... for her to show that sort of mercy for me......  only God could have given her that kind of strength upon hearing the news that her first grandchild was aborted.  If she has that much love for me..... it dawned on me the vastness of Christ's love.  

Why the past week has been so absolutely hard to make it through, is beyond me.....  I think I am headed out of this bout.  I pray that with the Lord's strength, I can beat this.